High score
Most categories won by one team.
The Sengoon SquadGideon Clark · 7 categories
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Set in Comic Sans, as Dan Gilbert intended.
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Record, games behind, cap room, draft money and shotguns owed for every team.
| Rank | Team | Manager | W-L-T | GB | Cap room | 2027 draft $ | Shotguns owed | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Sengoon Squad (cursed for 2026-27) | Gideon Clark | 7-2-0 | 0 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 2 |  Teenage Mutant Ninja Poeltls | Leroy | 6-3-0 | 1 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 3 |  The KATs in the bag (cursed for 2026-27) | Adam | 6-3-0 | 1 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 4 |  The walking wounded (cursed for 2026-27) | Aaron | 6-3-0 | 1 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 5 |  The Franz & the Furious (cursed for 2026-27) | Issei | 5-4-0 | 2 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 6 |  Return of the Mack | Bernie | 5-4-0 | 2 | $200 | 0 | ||
| Playoff line | ||||||||
| 7 |  Game Time Decision (cursed for 2026-27) | George | 4-5-0 | 3 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 8 |  Turnover Enthusiasts (cursed for 2026-27) | Jake | 4-5-0 | 3 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 9 |  Downtown SuitWearin’AssBitches (cursed for 2026-27) | James | 3-6-0 | 4 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 10 |  My Way or the Hardaway (cursed for 2026-27) | Howard | 3-6-0 | 4 | $200 | 1 | ||
| 11 |  Powerful (cursed for 2026-27) | Chris Powers | 3-6-0 | 4 | $200 | 0 | ||
| 12 |  Blunder Down Under (cursed for 2026-27) | Chase Larson | 2-7-0 | 5 | $200 | 0 | ||
The Sengoon Squad (cursed for 2026-27)7-2-0Final category wins for the latest completed matchup period, as Yahoo reports them.
The Sengoon SquadGideon ClarkBlunder Down UnderThe KATs in the bag (cursed for 2026-27)6-3-0The walking wounded (cursed for 2026-27)6-3-0The Franz & the Furious (cursed for 2026-27)5-4-0Return of the Mack5-4-0Game Time Decision (cursed for 2026-27)4-5-0Turnover Enthusiasts (cursed for 2026-27)4-5-0Downtown SuitWearin’AssBitches (cursed for 2026-27)3-6-0My Way or the Hardaway (cursed for 2026-27)3-6-0Powerful (cursed for 2026-27)3-6-0Blunder Down Under (cursed for 2026-27)2-7-0Gideon Sends Chase to the Can: One Weekly Shotgun Owed, Deadline Nov 1
Teenage Mutant Ninja PoeltlsLeroyMy Way or the HardawayHowardThe KATs in the bagAdamDowntown SuitWearin’AssBitchesJamesThe walking woundedAaronPowerfulChris PowersReturn of the MackBernieGame Time DecisionGeorgeThe Franz & the FuriousIsseiTurnover EnthusiastsJakeHigh score
Most categories won by one team.
The Sengoon SquadGideon Clark · 7 categoriesBiggest blowout
The widest gap across all nine categories.
The Franz & the FuriousIssei · stat margin 1.07Worst beat
Lost with the most categories won.
Game Time DecisionGeorge · lost with 4 categoriesPlayer MVP
Best line of the week across the nine categories, starters only.
Tyrese Maxey
PHI · 4 games
The Sengoon Squad · Gideon Clark
Player LVP
Worst line of the week, with at least 3 games started.
Jeremiah Fears
NOP · 3 games
Powerful · Chris Powers
The analyst
The verdict is in and it is delicious. Gideon Clark and The Sengoon Squad beat Chase Larson and Blunder Down Under 7-2, the biggest margin of the week at 5, so Gideon hands down the weekly shotgun and Chase owes it. Status: owed. Deadline: Nov 1, 2026, 11:59 PM PST. Post the evidence inside 24 hours of it being handed down or the debt grows by one. Chase is the same man who kept demanding harsher punishment and wanting the commissioner to stop being so soft. Congratulations, hard-liner: the law finally found you, and you sit dead last at 2-7.
The only storyline worth the ink: Issei beat Jake 5-4 in a revenge game, a spot Jake last held in Week 17 of 2025-26. Jake escaped the shotgun because the margin was only 1, and Chase got the can because he lost by 5. Crack it, flex it, and make the can-puncturing photos better than the sauna ones. We are auditing the frames.
Who owes what
Generated Oct 28, 2026, 9:00 PM PDT by the trash-talking analyst.
Share cardThe analyst
Gideon Clark won 7-2 over Chase, the biggest margin of the week, and now holds the right to hand out a shotgun. He runs the league, the site and the scoreboard, and the standings now agree he is in charge. Chase owes a can by Nov 1, 11:59 PM PST, and Gideon gets to enjoy every second of it.
Leroy beat Howard 6-3 and sits second at 6-3. He wanted a roast from the AI commissioner, so here it is: De'Aaron Fox at $29 is carrying a negative value of 23, and the grill-and-tongs patio king still won anyway. Enjoy it, Leroy.
Adam took James 6-3 and sits third. Amen Thompson at $2 is a $32 bargain, which is the kind of screenshot Adam would post eight times in a row. The champ is quiet for once, mostly because the scoreboard is doing the talking.
Aaron beat Chris Powers 6-3 and sits fourth at 6-3. Tyrese Haliburton at $1 and Walker Kessler at $1 are each worth about 30 bucks more than they cost, so the love dragon is cashing in. OG Anunoby at $36 is the one bill he would rather not read out loud.
Issei edged Jake 5-4 and revenge is served for last year's regular season meeting. Kyrie Irving at $1 is a $23 steal, while Darryn Peterson at $32 is a negative 30. The Coupon Clipper left $50 on the table at auction and still found a way to win by one category.
Bernie squeaked past George 5-4. Jalen Johnson cost $70 and sits at a negative 30 value, yet the newest manager is above .500. Winning with the league's named overpay is a flex nobody asked for, but we respect it.
George lost by a single category to Bernie and sits 4-5. Jayson Tatum at $16 is a $34 bargain, yet the $95 Wemby buy keeps getting heckled. The graveyard of stars keeps taking on tenants.
Jake lost 5-4 to Issei, a one category rematch he did not need. Jaren Jackson Jr. at $33 is a negative 24 on value. At least Jake paid his dues on time, so the AI commissioner has nothing to hold over him yet.
James lost 6-3 to Adam and sits 3-6. He quotes the rulebook, so let us cite it: nine categories, three wins, no appeal. The blocked-add screens will not fix that scoreboard.
Howard built around Jokic and Giannis and opened with a 6-3 loss to Leroy. The stars-and-scrubs plan has started with a 3-6 record, and Harden is not being accepted as payment for anything. Plenty of memes ahead to cope.
Chris Powers lost 6-3 to Aaron and is 3-6. He wanted a bot to summarize the drama, and the summary is that his team is called Powerful and sits eleventh. The cheap seats come with a view of the bottom.
Chase lost 7-2 to Gideon and sits last at 2-7. The league's loudest voice for harsher punishment now owes a shotgun by Nov 1, 11:59 PM PST. Be careful what you beg for, Chase. The sauna is waiting.
Generated Oct 28, 2026, 9:00 PM PDT by the trash-talking analyst.
Share cardThe analyst
Week 1 is done and the biggest story is the commissioner himself. Gideon Clark and The Sengoon Squad beat Chase Larson's Blunder Down Under 7-2, the largest margin of the week, and took the top spot at 7-2-0. Chase, the league's loudest voice for harsher punishment, now sits last at 2-7-0 with a lot less to say.
Chase has an immediate problem. Gideon has a weekly shotgun to give him, due Nov 1 at 11:59 PM PST, and the status is owed. Post the evidence inside 24 hours or the rulebook adds another can. Chase spent a week begging for tougher rules, and the first rule to fire was the one aimed at his own team.
The rest of the slate was tight. Leroy's Teenage Mutant Ninja Poeltls beat Howard's My Way or the Hardaway 6-3, so the Jokic-and-Giannis stars-and-scrubs plan opens at 3-6. Adam's KATs in the bag beat James 6-3 and Aaron's walking wounded beat Chris Powers 6-3, which parks Adam and Aaron at 3 and 4 behind Leroy. Aaron's rotation of bargain contracts, Haliburton and Kessler at $1 each, is doing real work.
The two one-category squeakers: Bernie's Return of the Mack edged George's Game Time Decision 5-4, so a $70 Jalen Johnson overpay still managed a win. Then there is Issei, whose Franz & the Furious edged Jake's Turnover Enthusiasts 5-4, a revenge win over the same opponent from last season's Week 17. Coupon Clipper took the W and kept his cheap Kyrie at $1 out of the headlines. James and Howard join Chris Powers at 3-6, while George and Jake sit at 4-5.
Generated Oct 28, 2026, 9:00 PM PDT by the trash-talking analyst.