Power rankings

Gideon Clark won 7-2 over Chase, the biggest margin of the week, and now holds the right to hand out a shotgun. He runs the league, the site and the scoreboard, and the standings now agree he is in charge. Chase owes a can by Nov 1, 11:59 PM PST, and Gideon gets to enjoy every second of it.

Leroy beat Howard 6-3 and sits second at 6-3. He wanted a roast from the AI commissioner, so here it is: De'Aaron Fox at $29 is carrying a negative value of 23, and the grill-and-tongs patio king still won anyway. Enjoy it, Leroy.

Adam took James 6-3 and sits third. Amen Thompson at $2 is a $32 bargain, which is the kind of screenshot Adam would post eight times in a row. The champ is quiet for once, mostly because the scoreboard is doing the talking.

Aaron beat Chris Powers 6-3 and sits fourth at 6-3. Tyrese Haliburton at $1 and Walker Kessler at $1 are each worth about 30 bucks more than they cost, so the love dragon is cashing in. OG Anunoby at $36 is the one bill he would rather not read out loud.

Issei edged Jake 5-4 and revenge is served for last year's regular season meeting. Kyrie Irving at $1 is a $23 steal, while Darryn Peterson at $32 is a negative 30. The Coupon Clipper left $50 on the table at auction and still found a way to win by one category.

Bernie squeaked past George 5-4. Jalen Johnson cost $70 and sits at a negative 30 value, yet the newest manager is above .500. Winning with the league's named overpay is a flex nobody asked for, but we respect it.

George lost by a single category to Bernie and sits 4-5. Jayson Tatum at $16 is a $34 bargain, yet the $95 Wemby buy keeps getting heckled. The graveyard of stars keeps taking on tenants.

Jake lost 5-4 to Issei, a one category rematch he did not need. Jaren Jackson Jr. at $33 is a negative 24 on value. At least Jake paid his dues on time, so the AI commissioner has nothing to hold over him yet.

James lost 6-3 to Adam and sits 3-6. He quotes the rulebook, so let us cite it: nine categories, three wins, no appeal. The blocked-add screens will not fix that scoreboard.

Howard built around Jokic and Giannis and opened with a 6-3 loss to Leroy. The stars-and-scrubs plan has started with a 3-6 record, and Harden is not being accepted as payment for anything. Plenty of memes ahead to cope.

Chris Powers lost 6-3 to Aaron and is 3-6. He wanted a bot to summarize the drama, and the summary is that his team is called Powerful and sits eleventh. The cheap seats come with a view of the bottom.

Chase lost 7-2 to Gideon and sits last at 2-7. The league's loudest voice for harsher punishment now owes a shotgun by Nov 1, 11:59 PM PST. Be careful what you beg for, Chase. The sauna is waiting.